The Landscape Has Changed
-Meighan Doherty
Washington Marriage Alliance Founder
Throughout my many years of experience I have seen the progressive movement grown and change – sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. For many years people used their anger and resentment towards their oppressors in confrontational demonstrations, and sometimes altercations, which often times caused more problems than they solved. This is not to say that confrontational demonstrations do not have their place in society, for no one won their rights by saying please and thank you. But if we look back at history, it is clear that no one won over their oppressors by acting just like them.
I’ll give you an example to illustrate my point. A few years ago Dr. Dobson and the Focus on the Family tour came through Washington State. Myself and my fellow constituents at ACTION Northwest planned a peaceful counter protest to be held in front of the venue for their conference surrounding the theme of love and acceptance. While the event was open to the public, we wanted to make the theme of the event clear to those who chose to participate. Sadly not everyone got the message and some came with sings comparing Dr. Dobson and his followers to Hitler, Stalin and the Klu Klux Klan. They called the Bible and violent and sexist book – all of which greatly angered and antagonized those participating in the conference. When the media showed up they flocked to the confrontational protesters and overlooked the peaceful ones. The message was lost; our efforts tarnished and while those who misinterpreted the message were apologetic there was a lingering feeling of resentment which never quite healed over.
For years now one of our biggest complaints about the religious right was that they were so militant about their faith and their message of “family values” and “traditional marriage” and the like. We often complained that it felt like God and faith were being rubbed in our faces. I am sad to see that some within the LGBT movement have taken this page out of the book of our opponents and began rubbing their anger towards their oppression in the faces of those who would deny them equality. While it is understandable that we would resent our second class citizenship, I would ask those who believe confrontation is a good maneuver this, has any person of faith ever won you over by smothering you with their belief in God? Has any angry protestor, religious literature and protest signs in hand at any public arena, ever won your minds or respect by shouting hateful things towards you as you passed by them? Has any confrontational tactic by anyone affiliated with any facet of the organized right ever changed your mind? Then why do you think that same behavior will work for you?
We cannot defeat our opponents if we act just like them. While we may be angry, it is a detriment to the movement to use that anger as a weapon. The Bible is no more a sword than our resentment is a gun.
How then do we conduct ourselves? It is my personal belief that we must first begin with forgiveness. This is the first and hardest step but in order to move forward we must forgive each other and ourselves for our failures and shortcomings. In my dealings with different groups there is one overarching theme: finger pointing. We are all quick to hold grudges and point the finger at those who do not disagree with our ideas, tactics and mission statements. Everyone wants to have a place at this table and everyone wants to be heard – which is essential to building our movement. That being said this will open us up to personality conflicts and disagreements. However, it is how you treat a person with whom you disagree which makes all the difference. Respect is something that not demanded but is earned. And it is earned when it is given. Not only do we not respect those within the movement who have different ideas than we do about how to proceed, we openly blast them in public forums, in public spaces and on public websites. If we cannot learn to forgive and stop the finger pointing then we cannot move forward from the past. We have lost the battle before we have even begun.
The fight for equality in this country is a huge one and we have so many battles before us. We have the battle for marriage equality, the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the inclusive Employee Non-Discrimination Act among others. Here in Washington we have an almost insurmountable task of educating people about Referendum 71 and how we must approve it if we want to keep our domestic partnerships. This is going to be a lot harder than some of us realize. Already people are confused on the issue and we are quibbling about how to educate them. Should we lose domestic partnerships in November the fault will not lie with our opponents, but squarely on our shoulders. These are our battles to either lose or to win. The landscape has changed and our movement must change with it. Either you can continue to use outdated and detrimental tactics or you can leave a mark in history and make a positive change through positive behaviors. Which do you want to do?
